If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
where are my eyebrows?
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