We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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