Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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