I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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