matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
