Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
