Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
