New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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