This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
