I'm really into asian looking animals
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
