brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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