i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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