If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
