idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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