well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Randomize
