She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
