I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
