I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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