My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
