so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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