so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
