I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
