I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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