Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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