i think my tv is drunk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
