How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
