That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
