I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
