It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
