I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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