He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
