i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
