If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
