all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
And then he peed in my hair
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