There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
