that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
