He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
