I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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