Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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