I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
