oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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