Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
