My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
