I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
