i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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