Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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