I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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