i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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