just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
