dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
